My Girl and Her Cousin: The Best of Frienemies

There are few things that put a wider smile to my girl’s face than when her cousin walks, jumps or bounds through the door. They'll each halt as they bounce up and down on their toes, giggling with delight before she predictably runs over and embraces him in a way that can only be described as an affectionate rugby tackle. The two baby-cum-toddlers are six weeks apart in age and had been in each other's company pretty much every week from his birth until the world was halted by Covid-19; so they've known pretty much nothing else. They can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies on the same day; heck, they've been known to switch roles at ten-minute intervals! Him a rambunctious little rascal, her a mouthy little madam, any collision is inevitable. It’s a matter of when, not if; and how often.

When they’re together, it’s nothing short of magical. Not a Disney Prince and Princess sort of magical; more that of Sabrina the Teenage Witch or Wizards of Waverly Place. It’s a car crash akin to sitcoms like Only Fools & Horses or Mike & Molly; and I can’t help but laugh as I look upon the destruction from the outside. Laurel & Hardy have nothing on this pair; if the boy isn’t running around like a bull in a China shop, the girl is raising holy heck in the front room. Then, when they come together; lord help who’s in their vicinity. She’ll be demanding that they commit to all manner of dances and actions as his adventurous spirit forces them to their feet in an attempt to stop him from climbing on the coffee table or throwing the nearest object in any direction. Then, they’ll run off together to play peekaboo as they giggle from behind the curtain.

Merriment turns to rage in the space of a few seconds though, as inescapably something will happen to push either or both of their buttons. Often an object will have caught their eye, which could be anything from a flashing toy to a kitchen brush. He is quicker and surer with his movement, so inevitably will reach it first; or, if she does, he'll have it off her in a matter of seconds. A tantrum ensues as she commences with chasing him around the room, screaming his name and imploring for him to share (although her definition of share is slightly off itself) as she looks pleadingly at the nearest adult, who will not pander to her. This is nothing, however, compared to when he gets his hands on one of her favourite toys. at which point all hell will break loose.

She can be a good sharer when she wants to be (albeit on her terms), but god forbid if he gets his hands on the red Teletubby. The purple one is fair game, which makes it less desirable to him (the yellow and green rarely get a look in), and he'll always get his hand on her favourite at some point. She'll scream, she'll stamp and the crocodile tears will be out as she urges him to give it back to her. His response is to hang on to it for a while, but he will always give it back when she becomes too distressed, usually with an accompanying hug. This could be for the praise he receives when doing so, it could be his way of showing how much he cares for his cousin or, and I'm sure many men can sympathise with this, it could be that he's had enough of her whining and moaning.

That's when they're in a neutral territory. When he visits her house, her domain, she'll do her utmost to capitalise on her home advantage. Whatever he tries to do, she'll want to do (although he's been known to give her a cheeky shove away from a toy on occasion too). He'll pick up a piece of chalk for the blackboard and she'll get a rubber; he'll start pushing her toy trolley and she'll push the other side; he'll sit on the bike she hasn't played with in weeks and it will suddenly become her favourite thing to do. Once she's been pulled away and the resulting strop dissipates, he'll commence with enjoying the toy while she gets on with something else.

The two of them are great kids with fantastic characters. She finds him absolutely hilarious as he dances, plays and runs around while he quite clearly enjoys having her around too. She is so caring and will never leave anyone out when it comes to kisses, cuddles or ordering them around; her cousin being one of the biggest beneficiaries of her affection. When their day together comes to an end and the two are due to part, they turn on the adults as they cry about wanting to stay before kissing and cuddling as they finally give in; each squabble forgotten and nothing but love remaining.

By Calum Dewsbury