It Takes a Village

Have kids they said, it will be fun they said. Ok, no one said that. No one technically described having children as ‘fun’ (although my uncle did say that it would be great), although nor did they detail quite how much we would want to pull our hair out each day; or if they did, we chose not to hear it. Sisters and cousins would ask when they were to be made 'aunties'; while parents, as they do, would often ask when we would make them grandparents again. My own nana made the statement that she wants 10 great grandchildren between her three grandchildren, so I say good luck to the other two! I blame all of them, and many more other people, for the predicament that we find ourselves in.

I jest, of course (well, mostly), but it remains that I didn’t really have a clue as to what to expect when we were expecting, as I’m sure most would say. We certainly weren’t aware of the eccentricities that children have; and, if I’m honest, the family around them. I always thought sitcoms were gross exaggerations, but I’ve come to realise that they’re not far from the truth. I’ve sat while my little girl screamed like she was being murdered because her YouTube video was taken over by an advert, and I’ve got a plethora of bite marks on my arms as my littlest girl has been trying out her new teeth. We’ve stubbed our toes, banged our elbows and fallen over toys chasing after both our girls; we’ve watched on as the eldest completely disregards us for a grandparent who is bribing her with chocolate or a packet of crisps; and we’ve given in as her great grandparents allow her to mess around with water in the house or enjoy morning ice cream!

We’re lucky to have such big families, but it’s been a nightmare organising celebrations because of it. Trying to find somewhere to fit everyone in and setting up things at the house has proved to be difficult. None-the-less, we have four or five built in babysitters available to us (although that isn’t much use with nothing having been open for much of the year!), although many have introduced them to some thoroughly annoying TV shows! (I’ll get into that in more detail in a later piece). We’d thought about setting up a chart to give them equal opportunity with our little angel (ok, that may be pushing it); but not-so-much with our youngest, due to the multiple lockdowns. There are so many loved ones far and wide that the baby isn’t going to know what’s hit her when we get out of this situation.

We can go through all of the stereotypes when it comes to family members. Grandparents are expected to spoil, aunties to love and encourage that sassy side, uncles to play, sisters to gripe and torment, cousins to mess and parents to discipline. Yes, this happens, but it’s only a minute aspect of family life. Grandparents offer a sense of order that only comes with experience, while their aunties and adult cousins each have their own personality, thus relationship, with them. Their close cousins, both the younger and the older, tease and protect in equal measure. The big sister can be mean, she can whine and has been knownto push the little one off the chair, but there is plenty of love there. As parents, we provide all of the above (as tiresome as it can get), and, as can be said about the rest of them too, so much more.

They say it takes a village to raise a child or children, but I think we have more of a town or city! It’s not just immediate family either, as we have many friends and wider family members always willing to chip in or bring other kids to the party (literally and metaphorically) in a way that gives us a break every now and again. It’s always nice to have a little adult conversation (even if I am as much of a child myself at times!) and a distraction for the little ones by some that are a little more on their wavelength (cue the wife with a comment about my mentality). Given everything, I'm not sure what we'd do without them.

By Calum Dewsbury