Euro 2020 and the Terrible Twosome

I love an international football competition; they’re a true festival of the game. Especially in times like these, when the majority of Europe has been cooped up for the best part of the year. Having something to watch, to cheer and to celebrate, as has been the case with domestic football to some extent, can certainly go someway to stop someone going stir-crazy. Even as England didn’t quite make it over the line, the Euros gave a somewhat split nation the chance to come together for a few weeks (well, aside from a few naysayers on social media and those on different sides of the knee gesture) in support of the national team.

Even more so (or maybe just as much), I love my terrible twosome. They’re such vastly different characters (which I’ll get onto in a later piece), but do I enjoy combining the two with my favourite pastime? Absolutely not. At least not yet. There are multiple reasons why watching football with two little girls around can get almost tiresome, not least just prior to their bedtime, which I like to call wild hour. My little girl will be playing with every toy she can get her hands on, almost like they won’t be there in the morning, while the baby will be climbing on anything and everything as she pulls out and plays with everything she can get close to; forcing me to keep my eye on her (and off the TV). There was more than a few times during the tournament where, upon protest from myself, my wife has made me turn the TV channel over for our eldest’s program of choice. Although I can’t complain too much, as I always have my laptop to watch it on (Gone are the days when I can go to watch football at the pub on a whim).

Bedtime brings little respite either. I did enjoy that most of the games were at 8pm, as theoretically I’d be able to watch them without interruption. It wouldn’t quite work out that way, however. On the nights that my littlest girl didn’t wake up at least once, I’d still be on tenterhooks in fear that she would disturb me, thus my concentration would tend to waver regardless. When she did rouse, it would be at the most inopportune moment. It could be just before a goal or five minutes from the end in a tense game, and I’d need to leave the match to go and coax her back to sleep. I live above a pub and I dared to go downstairs for half of an England game, only to have to rush up with 10 minutes to go at 1-0 up. Luckily, nothing more happened and England won the game.

Teatime, which incidentally is at around 5pm, is almost the worst time for a kick-off (aside from the odd 2pm game when I’m working, where a late dinner break would allow me to catch some of the action at least). We generally use the TV in an (often failed) attempt to keep them glued to their seat long enough to get their food eaten, so again it’s the laptop for me. Nevertheless, getting a chance to sit down for five minutes at this time would be a fine thing. If I’m not sweeping up the baby’s dropped food or putting her back in her place (she now outright refuses the highchair), I’m instructing (or trying to) the bigger sister to eat more of hers. Then, once she’s eaten an acceptable amount, the toddler will list off all the treats she can have, and we’ll allow her two, but she’ll inevitably sneak three. This again means I’m up & down and away from the screen, almost giving up on being able to analyse the game in a way only an amateur armchair expert can.

I can’t complain too much in fairness. Yes, I wasn't able to give each game my full concentration, but I’ve seen my fair share of every single match and have even been able to get down to the pub for one or two. I do look forward to the next tournament, and each one following, when the kids are more settled at night and I feel comfortable going out to the pub for more games (pandemic permitting); and when they can go and play or watch something in their room. You never know, at least one of them may share my interest and get just as excited as I do when these tournaments come around. Yet more than anything, I hope that England will finally be able to get one over the line!

By Calum Dewsbury